Supporting Each Other Through Difficult Times

Supporting Each Other Through Difficult Times: Why ‘Staying strong’ might not be the best advice

In recent weeks, I’ve been reflecting on how, as a society, we support each other, especially during challenging times. As women and parents, we often find ourselves in the role of caregiver and supporter, not only for our children but also for our friends, loved ones and parents.

I have found the news difficult to watch over the last few weeks. If I consume too much of this type of media my mental health does suffer, so I allow myself to turn it off when I need to. When the world presents us with shocking and distressing events, entire communities can feel the impact. In these moments, we naturally seek comfort and support from those around us. It’s important to remember that sometimes there are no clear reasons or explanations for why certain things happen.

In the past, I have often heard the phrase “stay strong” when people offer support. While it’s usually well intentioned and meant to be encouraging, it can sometimes be interpreted by someone in distress as “your pain is not acceptable.” Instead, consider using phrases like “I’m here for you.” This simple statement lets the person know they are in a safe space to express their feelings, and that you as someone offering support, are present and attentive. ‘Staying strong’ means different things to different people. The detrimental effects lead to ‘staying stuck’ or feelings and emotions ‘staying hidden’.

If you find yourself using this phrase, chances are you’re trying to support someone - that’s great that you want to be there for someone you care about. Here are some tips on how to be a supportive listener:

1. Be Present: Give your full attention to the person. Put away distractions and make eye contact to show that you are truly there with them.

2. Listen Without Judgment: Allow them to express their feelings without interrupting or offering unsolicited advice. Sometimes, just being heard is incredibly healing.

3. Acknowledge Their Feelings: Validate their emotions by saying things like, “It’s okay to feel this way” or “Your feelings are completely understandable.” Only do this if you genuinely mean what you’re saying. Being authentic is equally important. It’s okay to stay quiet and let the other person take the lead.

4. Offer Practical Help: Sometimes, offering to help with everyday tasks can provide immense relief, especially in a crisis. Whether it’s babysitting, cooking a meal, or running errands, these acts of kindness can make a big difference to someone who is feeling overwhelmed. Just be careful to make sure you listen to the person and respect their wishes if they decline the offer of help.

5. Encourage Self-Care: Gently remind them to take care of themselves, whether it’s taking a walk, practicing mindfulness, or simply resting. Self-care is often neglected if we are prioritising the care of others.

6. Stay Connected: Check in regularly to show that you care and that they are not alone.

“Staying strong” is not always the best path to healing. It’s crucial to acknowledge and process our emotions, and sometimes that means allowing ourselves to be vulnerable and seek support. Being discerning about who you are vulnerable with is sometimes a protective mechanism if trust has been compromised in the past.

If you’re seeking to move on from your difficulties and are thinking about trying life coaching, I invite you to reach out. Together, we can work towards finding balance, clarity, and strength. Contact me today to start your journey towards healing and personal growth.

Remember, you are not alone. We all have something to offer and can learn to support each other.